im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Still dying that you shit outside
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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