I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
