fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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