Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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