Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
