i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
