put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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