I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
