Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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