They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
