My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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