Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
