OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
