So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
