Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
