you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
a search helicopter?!
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
