yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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