Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
