Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
