How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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