i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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