My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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