some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
