I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
