Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
