get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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