i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
