loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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