I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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