Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
