I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
