She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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