I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
