shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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