I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
