I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
