i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Randomize
