i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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