Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
