I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
the day after is always just damage control
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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