he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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