as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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