i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
