Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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