somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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