just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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