you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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