i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
