she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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