I am puke
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
