So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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