Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
