don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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