My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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